A Cad Conned the Juri Pro Se

I really, really hate that I'm using this.

Coffee

Five days ago, I bought a large (which is really a medium) iced coffee from a local coffee chain. I drank it, yum yum, and then a while later began to shake.

Three days ago, I bought a venti (the largest) iced coffee from Starbuck's. I drank it, yum yum, and then a while later felt a little shaky.

Today, I bought a venti iced coffee from Starbuck's. I drank it, yum yum, and.... nothing.

Awesome, I'm addicted.

And here's how the 8:30 a.m. exchange at Starbuck's went this morning:

[At the drive-through speaker:]
Me: May I have a venti iced chai with a little cream, light ice, and 2 packets of the blue sweetener stuff?
Starbuck's employee: Uhh.... let's see, now, uhh, ok, that was a venti iced chai with what now? Cream and....
Me: Oh my God, wow, I'm sorry, no, I'm so tired. That's gross, what I just ordered.
Starbuck's employee: [laughs, relieved]
Me: Ok, how about an iced coffee instead of an iced chai... that makes more sense, doesn't it?
Starbuck's employee: [more laughter]
Me: Wow, gross.

A must-see

Holy. Freaking. Shit.

Rusty

This is one of my favorite viral videos ever, and it's totally what I'm going to be like on Wednesday after the bar is OVER.

Oh good God I'm back again

Ok, here is how my day is going:

- Make a (1) (one) flashcard.

- Check email (both accounts); check Facebook page (if received an email notification); check celebrity gossip website; check Yahoo for new news items; think about posting a new sentence on blog.

- Make a (1) (one) flashcard.

- Eat 7 (seven) cookies.

- Repeat internet ritual.

- Make a (1) (one) flashcard.

- Stare blankly at BarBri book.

- Brainstorm possible non-legal careers which would be lucrative enough to pay student loans; come up with diddly squat.

- Eat another cookie.

- Repeat steps 1- 9.

Rage

That is all.

More acronyms

How about this one, for the requirements for negotiability?

W'SUP, I'm Fucked! No Problem.

Because I really, for real am, especially when it comes to Commercial Paper.

Pet peeve

I really, really hate it when people are trying to say "for all intents and purposes" and instead say something like "for all-intensive purposes," as Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H., recently did. http://www.salon.com/wire/ap/archive.html?wire=D8QG7UH00.html

It bugs me when they screw up other idioms, too, but I can't think of any typical ones right now. This one will have to suffice.

Acronyms

Panic sorta set in today as I attempted a couple of the state essays and totally bombed them. Apparently I have been sorta kidding myself about how much I still have to learn in the next 3.75 days. Oh my God. 3.75 days.

So I'm at least trying to come up with some amusing, and therefore memorable, acronyms to help my remember certain lists of factors. Sometimes I also have to come up with a related phrase to cement the acronym to the subject--because random acronyms are really not that helpful.

Example: the acronym for a list of the common bases for non-resident submission to personal jurisdiction: M.C. BIIIRDS--homie's flyin' to court!

Guaranteed I will be cracking myself up--and pissing off people like Shusher--all through the essay half-day!

You Can Do Ehhht!

This one goes out to all my fellow bar preparers--we're almost done, we can get through this last push! You can do ehhht!

http://tonylittle.ytmnd.com/

Ignorant contradictions

I've been doing a lot of comment reading on passiveaggressivenotes.com lately--anything to procrastinate from doing more studying for the bar. There's this controversial dumb convention in the comments--and by dumb I mean totally juvenile and entertaining--to create a Team name and impliedly place yourself on the team. Usually the team is related to the subject of the post, though not always. For instance, one of the posts was a picture of a crazy letter that a babysitter had written to the dad of two of her little charges, basically telling him to go to hell for asking her to fill out a short form about what happened with the kids each day. In the comments, people started allying themselves with Team Babysitter or Team Dad. I don't usually go in for the easy Teams like that, I like to get on the funny Teams, but whatever, you get the picture.

Ok, so there are always some people who are incensed over this Team convention, and they piss and moan in the comments about how stupid it is, blah blah blah, and then the Teamers and anti-Teamers have a little comment smackdown. Occasionally it's entertaining, but it ends up mostly devolving into "you suck!" "no, YOU suck!" "you suck more!" etc. Every once in a while, though, someone writes something that is unintentionally hilarious. Take this one, for instance--from an anti-Teamer:

And yes, the “team” shit is lame, and typical of Bush’s America where you’re “with us or against us” and you’re encouraged to make this same type of simplistic judgment about others. It’s infantile. Seems like you’re all just trying to help Team George root out the evildoers. Go get ‘em, Junior War Criminals Club!

Um? Simplistic judgment about others, what? Come again?

Splotch Watch

I discovered that the large splotch on my hand looks like a square if I hold my hand just right. The small splotch just looks like a liver spot.



13 days and counting!

SIGH.

Annoyed

Today I checked the website of that firm I had applied to a few weeks (4, almost to the day!) back--I still hadn't heard anything from them, no "thanks, got your resume," nothing, even after I followed up with a little "Still really interested, would love to talk with you!" email. I clicked on their "employment" link and saw that the notice of the opening was gone, so I checked the list of attorneys, and sure enough, they've got a new one. He's a partner, even, so clearly more qualified than I was--me with my no experience.... But still. Could you not have at least emailed me and said, "Sorry, we found someone?" I'm so annoyed.

So, cross that one off the list. I guess everyone's "good feelings" were wrong. :(

Hellish property question

Man, am I hoping this property question won't be on the bar: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070717/ap_on_re_us/miniscule_tax_bill .

Yes. Yes I am.

More relocation nonsense

On Sunday, I set up my new phone number online through AT&T. I was pleased that there was an online discount waiving the approximately $47 in connection fees, and I got to choose my phone number (although it wasn't guaranteed and I better not give it out to anyone until my service was turned on and working!), and all seemed well. Until later that day, when I attempted to set up electric service online and needed to put in my new phone number--which I couldn't doe, because remember, AT&T had warned me not to use that phone number until service was on, because it was Not Guaranteed, and the heavens might implode if I were to give it out!

So I figured I'd just call and change the installation date, no problem, right? It's not much money a month, so having it on a couple weeks early isn't a big deal, and it'll make everything easier.

Welp! Perhaps AT&T waives the connection fees (if you initiate service online) because they *don't actually order connection*. They send you an email with an order confirmation number, but they don't actually put the order in their system! Hahahaha! Whoopsie!

Yeah, so I called, and the first person I talked to had no clue what I was talking about, so she transferred me to someone else "who would be able to help me." That guy asked for my confirmation number. I started to read it to him: "JV22..." and he said, "Wait. WAIT. Your confirmation number starts with a J?"

"Yes. It starts with a J. JV, in fact."

"It DOESN'T start with an N?"

"No. No, it doesn't. It starts with a J."

"Let me get this straight. Your confirmation number doesn't start with an N. It starts with a J?"

"Uh. Huh."

So, yeah, AT&T had absolutely no record of my order, so I had to start all over again on the phone. Blah blah blah, can you hold, yes I can, hello I'm back, can you hold again, yes I can, hello thank you for holding, sorry can you hold one more time, yes no problem, thank you for holding, oh sorry can you hold one more time, and then, then: "Ok, that's going to be $47 in connection fees...."

Oh no, my friend, no it will NOT be.

I reminded the guy that I had already (ostensibly) ordered service online, where the connection fees were waived, and I suggested that I should not have to pay the fees because, even though I was now ordering on the phone, I was only doing so because AT&T HAD NEVER ENTERED MY ONLINE ORDER EVEN THOUGH THEY SENT ME AN EMAIL CONFIRMING MY ORDER WITH A CONFIRMATION NUMBER. Thankfully, he rapidly agreed and waived the charges.

So, an HOUR later, I finally had an order for my phone service connection and an order for my DSL transfer. Aaaaand the guy guaranteed my phone number, so I can go wild and give it out to whomever I choose!

Good thing I needed to change my order date. Otherwise I might've scheduled my DSL transfer, which then would have failed because I had no phone service, which in turn would cause AT&T (I have my internet with them, too) to charge me an early termination fee of $150, because I have a 1-yr DSL contract. Oh, yes, and they'd also back-charge me $15/month for each month of service I'd had, which would total probably almost another $150. And it would take probably 3 or 4 hours on the phone to straighten it all out, and multiple explanations to people who are testy with me because they don't understand me, because they're not really listening to me, all for something that was AT&T's fault anyway.

SIGH. Moving is such a pain in the asshole.

New favorite word

Bullcrap!

Asshole Webmaster

The other day, I made a suggestion via an online suggestion box on Indy's city web page. I'd been searching for some info about utilities and other relocation stuff, and I didn't really find anything obviously related on the Indy page. I thought that seemed a little strange, so I submitted the following suggestion:

"A section geared toward people who are moving to the Indy area would be really helpful. You could include: - a list of utility companies w/contact info, phone company, TV services, etc. - information about different areas/neighborhoods of the city - etc."

Today, I got the following email response:

Such content is handled by the Indianapolis Convention and Visitor’s Bureau (a non-profit that is independent of the City) which is prominently linked to from our “Visiting” page. The direct URL to that site is: http://www.indy.org/

Look under the Relocation section.

Thanks,

Steve Werner

Webmaster of Indianapolis
Information Services Agency (Northrop Grumman)
City of Indianapolis/Marion County
200 E. Washington Street, Suite 960
Indianapolis, Indiana 46204
(317) 327-7859
swerner@indygov.org
http://www.indygov.org/

Yes, I see. The *Visitor's* Bureau page is "prominently" linked. Like I am an asshole. Like I am a stupid asshole. This is the description that accompanies that "prominent" link:

"Indianapolis Convention & Visitors Association: ICVA's site, www.indy.org, provides current and official visitor information including attractions, sightseeing, arts, hotels, restaurants, shopping, transportation and destination highlights."

Hmm, let's see, I didn't want information about attractions, sightseeing, arts, hotels, restaurants, shopping, transportation, or destination highlights.... Come to think of it, I didn't really want VISITOR information... I wanted RESIDENT information! Why the fuck would I go look at that website?!?!?!? It doesn't sound anything like what I want!

So, instead of writing back something like,

Dear Steve,

You are a fucking asshole. Why in the fuck would I look at a page that you've described as having information about hotels and shopping, when I want to know who to call to get my utilities turned on? Fuck you, you mothereffing douche.

Love, Jane

I wrote and thanked him for the redirect, explained why I did not think the "prominent" web site would be applicable (without using "prominent"), and requested that he amend my suggestion so that it read more like "I suggest you amend the description of the Visitor's Bureau site so that it notes that relocation information is included!"

Am I just overthinking it? Or does it seem really stupid to expect people to go search a page about temporarily visiting a city in order to find information about permanently relocating?

The bar is making me CRANKY!

*Edited for typography and clarity.

**P.S. And ALSO, the stupid page that supposedly has relocation information? Yeah, it doesn't have any information about a gas (utility) company. And with a name like "Citizen's Coke and Gas," I would like to have an official link, please. I mean, I love coke and gas as much as the next person, but I am trying to pass the bar here.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The insomnia has set in. I went to bed at 1:30 last night and finally fell asleep sometime around 5:30 or 6:00. Awesome.

The GERD feels really good, too.

Seriously, what the heck is it?

Ok, my bruise/liver spot/personal mark of the beast/whatever is still kickin'. I've had it for at least 8 days now, with no pain, no changing of color, and no idea of what it is.


Is it the bar? Is my body reacting to the stress by discoloring itself? WTF?

THIS is why.

This is why I'm terrified of the bird flu.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=250941

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Shake it like a Polaroid picture...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Please go watch this. It will cheer you up.

Weird bruise

I've had this weird dark splotch (two, actually) on my hand since, well, I don't know when--I first noticed last Thursday night. I don't know what it is, and it's starting to freak me out.

(n.b.: photo adjusted slightly to compensate for weird lighting that didn't show the "bruise" in its full glory.)

At first I assumed it was a bruise, but (1) it doesn't hurt, at all; (2) it hasn't changed color since I first noticed it--no yellowing or greening or purpling or anything, just liver-spot brown; and (3) it's been a full four days! Wouldn't you think that a 4-day old painless bruise would have disappeared by now, or at least changed color a little bit? Do I have a huge liver spot? Some weird disease? The hiv?

Ah!

Cleanliness

My new favorite blog, www.passiveagressivenotes.com, recently posted a series of notes about the ever-present roommate dishes issue. I commented a couple times about how I think sponges are disgusting* and the steps my family taught me in order to combat that disgustingness**. And then, my friends, I took a look around me and started laughing. For all my *yeesh* about the way dishes should be washed, I sure let them pile up. And take a look at my super-sanitary workspace:


Please note that there are more beer bottles than Diet Coke bottles. Yes, this is how my bar study has been going.


* See http://www.cnn.com/TECH/tomorrow_today/9603/sponges/index.html and http://www.webmd.com/news/20070625/top-spots-for-bacteria-at-home

** Use a clean dish cloth for each batch of dishes. Wash all kitchen linens separately from other laundry (oh my GOD washing dish cloths with socks and underwear is just GROSS). Use hot water and bleach, always.

Waiting tables

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Making up for my deficiencies...

I'm still slogging through the simulated MBE answers, going topic by topic, marking the ones I got wrong, and highlighting the reasons why. After I finish doing that for each topic, I add up the total number of questions and then count how many I got wrong.

For the first few topics, the ratios were, erm, BAD. Definitely worse than the overall average of where people who are "on track" should be. The strange thing, though, is that my overall score was higher than that "on track" average. So I wondered, what the hell is going on?

Oh, I see. Apparently I kick crim law's ASS. (I wish Bradley had thought so...)

Dude, I tested at 75% right. That's effing crazy. I don't know JACK about crim law!

Bird Flu

As some of you may know, I am terrified of the bird flu. I feel about the bird flu the way some freakshows felt about Y2K. In other words, I have thought, in depth, about how much water I should keep on hand, how much food, where would I run to, should I buy a gun, how will I get my medicine, how will I communicate with my family, etc. Granted, I haven't made any decisions about any of these questions, but the point is, I've thought about them. Extensively. One might say I've "worried" about them. (Who, me, worry? Nooo...)

I read every major "bird flu found in crazy 3rd world village; some poor teenage girl who played with chickens dies" kind of article. I haven't seen any in a while, but here's one!

http://www.salon.com/wire/ap/archive.html?wire=D8Q6AOG00.html

IT'S COMING!

I'm the best narrower-downer EVER

I'm embarrassed for myself as I sit here going over these MBE questions. For so many of the questions that I got wrong, I crossed off one answer--just one--as definitely an incorrect answer. That's what you're supposed to do, play the odds, beat the game, etc. Except it doesn't work if you keep crossing out the correct answer.

Friends

Every once in a while, I'm struck anew by what wonderful friends I have. Lately I've been burdening anyone with two ears with all my job- and apartment-searching tales, woes, insecurities, and concerns, and I know that I often repeat myself and obsess over some particular worry and just generally bore the pants off whomever I talk to*. But my friends have been so patient and so helpful and so wonderful, and I sometimes can't even believe that I'm surrounded by such amazing, giving, loving people, people who love me in spite--or perhaps even because of--my lengthy not-so-internal debates about everything from "what kind of law should I practice?" to "OMG can I stand to put shoes on every time I need to let Puck out OMG?" I had one of the best evenings tonight talking to my bestest friend, B, who I don't often get to chat with any more; and to another of my bestest friends, J, who's always delightful and the perfect commiserator and a super idea-bouncer; and to yet another one of my bestest friends, C, who is just one of the loveliest people I know and who is always looking out for me; and I almost got to talk to another of my bestest friends, JWD, whose messages are always hilarious and perfectly *her*. And last night I almost got to talk to bestest friend A, who is amazing and full of light and who always makes me feel like a better person just for knowing her!

And the fact that I have at least 5 bestest friends--and actually quite a few more, I just didn't get to talk to them tonight--whose advice and conversation I really cherish... I just feel so incredibly blessed. I don't use that word often, because I'm, for whatever reason, a little uncomfortable with the God implications (and that's another post for another day), but it's nights like tonight and friends like these that make me thankful and joyful to be alive. I certainly have had many hours, days, weeks, this year when I wasn't so thrilled to be vibrantly, painfully alive, and remembering how all of these friends have rallied behind me in my darkest, smallest moments as well as in the most shining, glorious moments literally brings tears to my eyes.

Thank you, guys. I love you so, so much. I am thrilled to have you all in my life, and to be part of yours, and to be facing this new chapter of our lives all together.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX



* This reminds me of about the only joke I can ever fully remember. One woman (in the spirit of the horrific MBE simulation (hahaha) we took today, let's call her A) is talking to another woman (call her B) she's just met, and she says, "So, where are you from?" And B says, looking down her nose, "I'm from a place where they don't end sentences with prepositions." A pauses, and then she says, "Oh, yes. Please excuse me. I meant to say, where are you from... BITCH?"

And that in turn prompts me to tell you of the latest bar review Shusher drama.... today, a few of us in the troublemaking row came back early from our scheduled hour lunch so that we could get a headstart on the second section of the test, so that we could leave early. We were diligently working away (after an extended session of silliness as we started) when the rest of the class started to stream in, about 15 minutes before class was to start again. People realized that we were trying to work but continued to talk, as they certainly had the right to do. That didn't upset me. But, that they seemed to get louder as they realized we were already working... that upset me. So, I kept a diligent eye on the countdown clock on the video screen, expecting that that woman with the awful Minnesotan accent would pop back up and tell us to get started again, but desperately hoping that the lunch countdown would just switch over to the test countdown so that I could turn the shushing tables. And, praise be, it DID. And I DID.

And it was fabulous.